A Warning to All

Here is an article that I was made aware of by a fellow blogger, that I found just too good too pass up from blogging on myself.

It's a fair enough read, but what it leaves out* some rather amusing details which I'll sketch in for you here.


The problem began because the old lady had actually gone to take a number one, but had been surprised and taken aback by a sneaky number two. This was just not any old dump, this was something that they would've written an epic poem about had it occurred in the middle ages. Asked to describe the crap, the lady said,

"Have you seen the movie tremors, with those horrible nasty worm things that come up from the ground, who ate Mr. Miyagi? It was like that but pointing down. I thought I'd given birth to Sears Tower or something. I doubt the Loch Ness monster has ever left something that big behind it. If it did I bet it cried"


The old lady also described how this poop kept her spirits up; it was so large that she was easily able to anthropomorphize it, she named it Kent, and she told him about her dreams. She would sit on the toilet seat and parp at the appropriate time to give Kent a voice. The relationship was not always an easy one,"At one point we had a slanging match, we were both trying to shout each other done and I suddenly realised if this continued much longer I'd have a twin brother for Kent which may have included some of my vital internal organs so I just calmed down and tried not to think of my aggressive bottom biscuit"

The old lady has been reunited with her family and has settled back into day to day life, although she has been reported on a number of occasions to have addressed her husband as Kent.