Sunday, September 30, 2007
Quote of the Week
This quote comes from Cory B. When we all saw an extremely large assed women walk by us and he very untactfully said:
"She looks like she's smuggling two umpa loompas. One in each cheek!!!"
It was an excellent football game as well!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Shaddap You Face
I hope you all find this as entertaining as I did! However, you should be warned that this post is product of exactly what happens when you have way to much time on your hands!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Spelling Bee
This discussion has lead me to have to blog on the word Library. Library, L-I-B-R-A-R-Y, Library! Webster's defines as such:
Sunday, September 23, 2007
A Warning to All
It's a fair enough read, but what it leaves out* some rather amusing details which I'll sketch in for you here.
The problem began because the old lady had actually gone to take a number one, but had been surprised and taken aback by a sneaky number two. This was just not any old dump, this was something that they would've written an epic poem about had it occurred in the middle ages. Asked to describe the crap, the lady said,
"Have you seen the movie tremors, with those horrible nasty worm things that come up from the ground, who ate Mr. Miyagi? It was like that but pointing down. I thought I'd given birth to Sears Tower or something. I doubt the Loch Ness monster has ever left something that big behind it. If it did I bet it cried"
The old lady also described how this poop kept her spirits up; it was so large that she was easily able to anthropomorphize it, she named it Kent, and she told him about her dreams. She would sit on the toilet seat and parp at the appropriate time to give Kent a voice. The relationship was not always an easy one,"At one point we had a slanging match, we were both trying to shout each other done and I suddenly realised if this continued much longer I'd have a twin brother for Kent which may have included some of my vital internal organs so I just calmed down and tried not to think of my aggressive bottom biscuit"
The old lady has been reunited with her family and has settled back into day to day life, although she has been reported on a number of occasions to have addressed her husband as Kent.
If He Can't do it...No One Can!
The Handle Bar Mustache! The Barely-there face mask! If he can't save the Browns than no one can!
Quote of the week!
"Jake the snake! Jake the snake! Show 'em the python Jake!"
Needless to say the Tribe won the game...The papers credited the victory to some timely hitting...Not that it didn't help, but I know the real reason for the victory was because Jake used the PYTHON!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Jewish Community is Still Getting the Shaft
The main thing that I found upsetting was, well other than the t-shirts that on the front in Detroit Tiger manuscript read; Detroit Sucks, and on the back in Pistons block print, said; pistons swallow, was the fact that the dollar dogs were not kosher dogs! I found this out after standing in a lengthy line, thinking I was waiting to make a hefty order of dogs for a not so hefty price, when the cashier leaned over the counter and announced to the line that this stand was not selling dollar dogs. This stand only has the $4.25 kosher dogs! Immediately more than 3/4 of the line dispersed and the few left everyone knew were Jews!
The Jewish community is still getting the shaft! I mean if it wasn't enough that they had to endure WWII, but now also a $4.25 hot dog at the stadium on dollar dog night! Is there no cultural sensitivity in the world anymore? So, to those of you reading with Jewish heritage or Jewish friends (Jesus counts too), I am apologizing that you don't have the pleasure of enjoying the over bloated, tummy cramping, holy shit I wanna puke, feeling that the rest of us get to enjoy after eating more dollar hot dogs in a night than most people will eat in a year! Might I also add that almost as equally upsetting as the $4.25 kosher dog was the fact that over 62,000 hot dogs were consumed that night in the stadium, the number was adjusted to not include the kosher dogs!
On a brighter note the Tribe managed to not only win that evening, but also to win the next one as well! Completing a 3 game sweet of the Detroit Tigers and lowering the magic number to 3! GO TRIBE!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
10 ComMANdments
1. Only leave your room for meals, working out, class, bathroom and to visit another guys room.
2. Never date on campus.
3. You can shower in the stall of your liking
4. Toilet stall one is used for urinating only, toilet stall two and three are used for bowel movements. (If in the rare occasion stall two and three are occupied and stall one is available, then and only then may you dump in stall one).
5. Always flush
6. If you leave your door UN-locked, which all the guys do, then you can't bitch when the other guys mess with your stuff---Along those same lines is the fact that you are in charge of making fun for yourself here...If you don't no one else will!
7. It is a privilege to be invited to drink with Sir Christopher Jingle, not a right! (For the record never try to set a pace faster then him).
8. Movie nights are completely optional no matter what Seiple will try and tell you.
9. Never screw over another guy here on campus...There are way to few of us to not all get along.
10. When all else fails make sure you are following rules one through nine...Because if your not that's probably the root of your problem.
I bring these rules up now for two reasons: First is that I don't know if the new gentlemen on campus have been made aware of these guidelines and they are to important to just assume that they had been handed down. Secondly, I have noticed that the rules have been forgotten by all. I know we all have our own ways and that the rules were not meant to be a way of life, rather a guideline to which you could point your life. It is time that the rules were resurrected or maybe even edited and re-published but I needed to have the peace of mind knowing that they were not dead to all.
It is true that the saying goes, "Rules were meant to be broken", I know we have all, myself included, broken these rules at one time or another. However, next time you go to sit down and complain about your situation reference these rules and make sure that you have followed them, only when you can say you have followed them is when you can truly complain about your life as a man here at Ursuline.
Quote of the week
The criteria for quote of the week is that, there are no criteria. The quote of the week may come from someone close and dear to out hearts or from deep in history, I am simply looking for quality and as usual will always be open to suggestions! Without any further adieu this weeks quote of the week come from Dave C.
"So, she was like twelve when he started going here?"
For those of you who know what this is in reference too, I love you! For those of you who would like clarification just ask!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Five Things Better Than Charlie Frye
Next I would like to say that I am very thrilled to see that the blog has found its way to UVA in Virginia! Jingle we miss you but your work here was done and it was time for you to spread your wealth of knowledge somewhere else.
Now on to the main event! Charlie Frye! It took Charlie not even an entire half of a game for the Browns to finally decide that he is a waste and to move him anywhere but Cleveland! When I finally heard of this news the first thought that popped in to my head was: HMM....I wonder what they got for him? The answer: Not much at all...A sixth round draft pick to be exact...That's not even a person! Just a promise of a person sometime in the future! My next thought was then: It was Charlie Frye I guess that's not such a bad deal! So, I have decided to create a list of the top five things that I would have been satisfied if the Browns had received in compensation for Charlie. Here is that list:
5. A game of, "One of these things doesn't belong". This game would have had to of taken place between the original cast of Sesame Street and the Browns O-line. Eventually they would have figured out that Frye was the one that didn't belong.
4. Michael Vick's dogs...They are the ones that got a raw deal in that whole cluster fuck...I am sure the Dog Pound would welcome them!
3. The McDonald's commercial, Charlie's "Fries". We could have paid less to keep them around and they taste good.
2. Bernie Kosar now...He's 44 for those of you who were wondering...Yes he would still be amazing!
1. Tony Danza from the movie, " The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon". Even if he sucked, which he didn't, we would still have Tony Danza.
"Protect Your Momma"
Monday, September 10, 2007
Nursing
My day started at 7:45AM, it left just enough time to get up, dress, brush my teeth, and take the always important morning pee! I started in the computer lab where I was supposed to print my slides for lecture only to find that yet again the printers were both out of toner! I blame the art student printing in front of me who had over 100 slides to print in color for her art history course. So, I headed to class without my materials to sit through yet another stimulating lecture on the critically ill patient. I arrived in class to find not my professor there but instead the dean of the nursing school! The first hour of class was then spent listening to the class complain to the dean about a test that the majority of them had failed. The claim was that it was an "invalid" test! Not only was the dean more then willing to accommodate those that were not satisfied with their grades but she worked it out so the test would be curved in the end!
My question is this: At what point do you own up for not knowing your shit and stop bitching and hoping that someone else will bail you out? At the end of nursing school, nursing students need to take a state licencing exam called the NCLEX, not only does the state not care if you pass or fail, but if you fail they will keep your money and still smile at you as you walk out the door! What kind of favor is the school doing you if they are willing to bend over backwards to make sure you pass the course? In the end you will fail the test that really counts!
On another note...I know the last one was a little bitter with a cynics twist on and I apologize for that. The blog is now 48hrs. young and Laura seems to be the only one that is willing to comment or maybe read for that matter. I promise I am not writing for my health, although it is a bit therapeutic, I would much rather have people comment and suggest topics to be written on. So, pass on the URL and encourage your friends to read, this will be a lot more fun with more readers!
Sunday, September 9, 2007
I look forward to writing and being apart of this blog. There are many topics and issues that need to be shared with all of you. So I thank person who started this; I have a feeling that this will be just the binning of great works. I have a feeling that the UC A Male Perspective is going to in list a number of great topics and I am excited to be apart of this project!!
New Author!
Disheartening
Saturday, September 8, 2007
A bad day for Michigan a GREAT day for Ohio
A Warning to Our Male Readers
Moment......
Now that I feel I have given you a bit of wisdom for the day, which I would like to do with each post, so, that way you don't feel like you are completely wasting your life by reading my blog. I will now rant a bit about life at a women's college and why it is not as ground breaking of an idea for a man as some may think.
First let me clarify...UC is a "Women's Focused College". This means that there are so few men enrolled, less than 8%, that technically it cannot be considered a co-ed institute of higher learning. Now, after explaining this to most people, primarily men, they either shake your hand or give you a pat on the back and say, "You are a genius!" Not so fast my friend! After over three years of experience on the UC campus I can safely say that the men that go here, myself included, are not geniuses! As scholastically talented as we all may be we live in what most men would probably consider a nightmare!
(Disclaimer: Baby I love you very much and if you are reading this know that I have found
one of very few diamonds in the rough! You mean the world to me!)
Sorry about that...Where was I??? Ahh...YES! A nightmare! Let me elaborate...The guys have a fantasy baseball league, there are only six in it! We also now have a fantasy football league too, with only five in it! Imagine a place where everyday you can find a woman who is PMSing! Every now and again we get together and play some basketball in the gym. Not five on five mind you, rather two and two!
This is not say that there are no perks to being one of a few men at UC! I mean when you need to take a dump you don't have to look for a private stall, just find the nearest men's room and go there, I can guarantee you that it will be all yours! On campus there is only four of us that have to share two showers and three stalls. Also, everyone knows who you are, which I guess can be a blessing and a curse. I suppose it isn't all bad. So, the moral of all this is next time a guy says I go to a women's college, give him a hug and offer to buy him a beer (only if he is of legal age,) because it is not always as glorious as you may think it is!
Hello and Welcome
Right now I am the chief and only blogger on this site, however, look for this to change over the next few days or weeks!
For those of you that are reading this and commenting from UC (Who am I kidding you are the only ones reading this!) is all I ask is that you keep it semi clean and don't post anything that may be self incriminating in a court of law. Alright! That is all for now, I look forward to seeing how this adventure unfolds!